Regardless of Fear

A year ago today (basically) I arrived in the city of Hyderabad, India. Embarking on a journey that I had waited for many years. Most of you know all about it, and sister, I'm pretty sure you're getting tired of me talking about my trip as often as I do... for that I apologize. Today however I'm not going to reminisce about my time, but instead invite you to marvel with me at how much of a difference a year can make.

I remember standing at the counter in The Calgary International Airport waiting for the woman there to print out my baggage tags. It was then, while I was standing alone with my friends/farewell party a sort distance away, that the enormity of my endeavor hit me for the very first time. I was overcome, and as I turned back to face the trio cheering me on, my eyes found my sister's and I could not hold back the flood gates any longer. The tears rolled, and I knew there was no turning back.

Fast forward.

As I left my first day of school on Wednesday, the assistant teacher Laura-Beth, who has just started her third year at Ecole Holt Couture, asked me if I'd been nervous that day. I confessed to her that I was nervous whenever I wasn't at the school, or around other people from the school. Nervous about entering into a new phase, only knowing that this is what I want to do, not sure if I'll succeed, but knowing again that there was no turning back.

It is the same feeling I felt when leaving for India. This is something I want, and have waited for. There are people backing me and supporting my choice. I have come to the very edge of the task, and all that is left is to complete it. But it is big, new, and unknown. What will become of me along the way to completion? Will I follow through successfully?

In both cases numerous people have asked me "Are you excited?". I can never answer that truthfully, because I feel like it does not apply. I get excited about free coffee, good movies, spontaneous letters, and seeing my nieces and nephew. These things all guarantee full pleasure and enjoyment without worry or care. How can that feeling be associated with a step that takes you towards something that has so much detail, planning, and risk involved? An answer that I gave to a friend of mine when he asked me this question was "No. But I'm ready." regardless of fear.

So I guess my point is this, the difference between last year and this physically, is exponential. The difference emotionally, remains unchanged. What I take to heart this time, is knowing how amazing my experience in India was. I had the time of my life with incredible people, and even though I've now 'checked India off my list' I know that the time I spent there will not be the last. Therefore it was worth the wait, and the risk. With this knowledge I venture into the first year of this four year program, ready to take on the challenges that may arise, for the joy of the experience.